How People Think Writing Works

I announced to my family (aka, I interrupted their regularly scheduled program of “going about their day”) with a firm, proud, and entirely absolute statement of: “I have finished hard copy revisions.”

Now, they’d spent enough time acknowledging the Becky Lump that migrates between couch, chair, table, various floor locations, and On The Rantpage. When I visit on the occasional weekends, most of my mornings (or as I like to call it, not-yet-coffee and yes-coffee, and wait-we-need-more-coffee) with my big ole binder of book: highlighters protruding from over ears, between teeth, sleeve of shirt, and all the pockets. I’m like a highlighter tree.

Hearing my announcement drove them to Nods of Acceptance and SoYouCanHelpClearTheTableRight stares.

• Then my Uncle asked a question: “So you’ll be off publishing soon?”
• Me: *pauses*
• Him: …
• Me: *mentally prepares list of things Still to Do*  *inadvertently prepares list of Things to Do to Write and Publish a Book*
• Him: *glances at other humans in the room to determine if this is normal behavior for Writer Rebecca*
• Me: “…what was the question?”
• Him: “You finished the book, so are you publishing soon?”
• Me: “IMMA BLOG ABOUT IT! GIMME A COUPLE DAYS!”

When he asked me, I ran through a list of things yet to be done. More revisions, more revisions, MORE REVISIONS, query letter, revisions, and revisions! AHH

It also made me realize that from the outside, the process of writing a book seemed very much along the lines of MAGIC HAPPENS.

1. Idea for book. A muse delicately descends and implants a baby idea in your brain where it grows like a tumor until you’re hallucinating.

2. Months of solitude. Characterized by caffeine, complaining, and squinting.

3. BAM! Book finished. Complete perfection. Absolute ease.

4. DOUBLEBAM! Publishing deal and lotsa monies! Like JK Rowling and Stephen King, amiright?

5. FOREVERBAM! Writerly status of infinite fame achieved. Forever shall your name adorn the halls of writerliness and writeryishness.

6. Live happily for all and ever more in a mansion deciding between quills and parchment.

If only it was that easy, folks.

If only.

• agents
• authors
• books
• literary agent
• publishing
• read
• readers
• reading
• revising
• revision
• write
• writer
• writers
• writing
• writing a book